MissBehavior

A while ago, it occurred to me that at some point, I will have to punish my daughter. No matter how well I raise her, she will make mistakes and discipline will be necessary. So I started slipping a simple question into my everyday conversations: "Were you spanked as a child?"

The answer is a resounding "yes."

Some of my friends were simply spanked. Others felt the crack of a belt. A few were even subjected to a switch.

Note: About a week ago, I had no idea what a switch was. My mom explained it to me while I cringed and winced, wondering to myself what kind of bad behavior warranted such capital punishment. For those of you who are out of the loop like I was, a switch is a small branch taken from a tree with any twigs and leaves stripped from it to maximize the sting. Mom says it makes a swishing noise when you wave it through the air. Ouch.

Me? I was never spanked by my parents. If I acted up, I had something valuable taken away, like a new toy or television priveleges. Granted, I was probably grounded a lot earlier than most. The first time I was made to stay in the house for a whole weekend and not do much of anything happened when I was 8 years old. I got caught jumping off a friend's second-story roof onto the trampoline in her backyard. Yeah, I was trouble.

The only person who ever spanked me was my nanny, and boy could she dish 'em out. I remember her fondly, but I also remember her killer three-smack spankings, which were promptly followed by a session in the time-out chair until I stopped crying.

So the question remains of how I plan to punish my daughter, but here's what I'm really wondering: When and how will she be bad?

My mom recalls a time when I was quite small and refused to get in the bath. I pitched a total fit, and the end result was a stern phone call from my dad- terrifying. Will my daughter pitch fits? Will she fight with another child? What happens when I catch her lying to me for the first time?

In my experience, a number of punishments speak louder than spankings. Physical punishment is so temporary; you take the beating, get over it, and then you're free to go on with the day unscathed. When I was bad and something was taken away from me, whether it was my Easy Bake Oven or my freedom, it messed up the whole day and I associated an action with a punishment from then on.

Call me a hippie, but I'm just not a big fan of physical punishment. When you actually use it, you get a few minutes of tears and some humiliation. Years later, however, it has a different impact when your little jailbird starts visiting a therapist. "Well, my problems really started when my mom hit me with a switch..." I can see it now.

I'd like to believe that I won't have to worry about punishments for a long time and that when it does come up, I'll know exactly what to do. The truth is that I'll probably call Roy or my parents and say, "She refuses to get out of her pajamas! What do I do?!" all while keeping my poker face in front of the little lady.

Despite the variations in childhood punishments that I've heard about, not a single one involved the parent losing his or her nerve and backing down. Kids are like dogs. They can smell fear.