You Sexy Thing

Today I was laying by the pool, alternating between my left and right sides because that's all I can manage, wearing a bikini that shows off my enormous belly complete with the dark line down the middle and belly button that pops out like a wine cork, dreading the inevitable trips to the nasty poolside bathroom every 15 minutes, and I got to thinking about sex appeal.

Over the holiday season, I went through my entire wardrobe in anticipation of needing more space for baby stuff, but in the process I got rid of a lot of clothes that no longer spoke to my lifestyle. I realized then that I would soon be a mother, and along with an armful of sweaters that I haven't worn in years and a few old homecoming dresses, I let go of some daisy dukes, sequined miniskirts and midriff-baring tanks.

To be fair, I hadn't worn most of those things in a long time anyway. My idea of sexy is a woman who wears the right pair of jeans and a white t-shirt with total confidence. Regardless, it was time to dismiss the notion that I could ever feel comfortable in a bedazzled ensemble even if I wanted to wear it.

So here I am six months later and approximately 20 pounds heavier. Ask me if I feel sexy. I dare you.

"Sexy" may not be the right word, but I am more impressed by my body than I ever was before. I grew a baby, for crying out loud. Yes, I do miss having a visible waistline and the ability to wear bras that aren't beige and made of cotton, but I think I've got a more grown-up idea of what it means to have a great body.

Every day before I get in the shower, I turn to the side in front of the mirror and look at what my figure has become. If I think hard enough, I can still envision the petite, spry little thing I used to be. I miss that body, but I'm learning to adjust to this new one- one with an existent butt, thank goodness.

I know that when my daughter is born, my midsection will still puff out for a little while, my feet still won't want to jam into cute shoes, and my lady lumps will turn into all-you-can-eat infant buffets. But even though it will take a while, I'm determined to eventually have the kind of figure that I'm content with, complete with a renewed waist and newfound deriere that would make a sequined miniskirt look damn good even though I'll probably just be wearing jeans and t-shirts.