Learning Curves

Tonight I went to my first class at Baptist East, the hospital in Louisville where I plan to deliver. In many ways, I felt like I was back in school, but this time I wasn't studying politics or literature. Instead, I analyzed diagrams of the female breast and proper latching techniques.

In all sincerity, I felt like a little kid when I first walked into the auditorium at the Education Center. I had never been in a room with so many big pregnant bellies before, and almost all of them looked bigger than mine. A tiny girl my whole life, I felt like the runt in class all over again.

This particular class was all about breastfeeding, a very hot topic in Mommy World. A friendly lactation consultant conducted the class using a PowerPoint presentation as her guide. She covered everything from the hormones involved in milk production to different types of pumps to the cues that a baby will give to signal hunger.

The breast expert even whipped out a stuffed boob. On the surface, it looked harmless, but then she pulled the outer surface aside to reveal the inner workings. I'm not sure if my face revealed how horrified I was when she said something like, "As you can see here, the milk-filled ducts actually look like a bunch of grapes." Grapes in my knockers?! No, thanks.

About halfway through the class, we watched a video. When I was in high school, watching a video during class was a chance to nap. Not this time. On the large projection screen, the nipples demonstrating ideal latching procedure were the size of garbage can lids, and the babies roared toward them like chubby, peach Godzillas. The men who were dragged to class looked at the whole spectacle like wide-eyed middle schoolers sitting through sex ed for the first time.

They say breastfeeding is an incredibly peaceful and natural experience. I can't speak for all the women in class, but let's be real, it's a little scary too.

I came home with a substantial packet of information, and even though nursing is often touted as the most basic process, I have a feeling it's harder than it looks. I still have every intention of tapping nature's kegs for all they're worth, but I can't help but wonder what I'll end up doing wrong...

I'm always fascinated by the many ways in which the human body operates to support an infant. A mother's milk supply continuously evolves to meet the demands of what the baby needs at different times. Despite the nutritional autopilot, mom herself is under a lot of pressure to make sure the milk delivery is seamless.

I'm sure I'll be fine and so will baby girl, but I'm not going to apologize for being nervous. I really want to succeed at this. Hopefully when the final exam rolls around, we'll both know what to do. After all, I'm convinced that she's a highly intelligent baby.