It's Only Life

Time for a little realism: Some days just aren't as great as others. Groundbreaking, right?

Pregnancy hormones are very real. I've been known to have a resilient personality. I'm notorious for bottling up feelings and keeping them to myself. I'm comfortable that way. But I'm slowly learning that sometimes you just have to let go. Using energy on carrying around this baby and making sure I take good care of myself means less energy for keeping myself together.

I would be lying if I said I haven't had my share of breakdowns so far during this pregnancy. For the most part, I'm a generally content person, but I have fears, concerns and frustrations that bring out the less put-together side of me.

I'm slowly learning that I need to let myself be human. If it's OK for me to give in to cravings and walk around my dorm with my pants unbuttoned, then it's OK for me to lose my cool once in a while.

Common thoughts running through my head when I'm not feeling so great:
1. I don't want to be at school. I don't want to sit in an uncomfortable desk that hurts my butt or listen to my professor talk about international governmental organizations.
2. These pants fit me yesterday! Why won't they button today?!
3. Why is it so damn hot in this room?
4. I'm never going to be prepared enough for this baby!
5. Be nice to me for crying out loud!

But here's the deal: You gotta pull yourself up by the elastic waistband and keep going. It's OK for anybody to cry, but when that's all said and done, the day goes on. I threw a plastic hanger at the wall earlier and it broke. Was it mature? No. Did I feel better? Yes.

After that, I got up, put on a fresh coat of mascara, went out to get some snacks, and got back to my room just in time for the fire alarm to go off. Twice.

Thank goodness for my baby girl. Thinking about her is the one thing that makes me feel better every single time. On a side note, I have now learned not to respond to that fire alarm without taking a snack outside with me.