Plan B is for Baby

The proverbial "they" say that life is what happens while you were busy making other plans. These days, I will testify to that sentiment.

If you had asked me what I planned to do with my life at this time last year, I might have said that I had ever intention of graduating, getting out of Kentucky, renting a small apartment, getting a job as a journalist, and adopting a kitten from the local animal shelter to keep me company. I envisioned myself answering middle-of-the-night phone calls to go cover a story somewhere and blowing my paychecks on grocery supplies to make a recipe I just had to try. My 20s were going to be a time for trial and error, slaving over work and traveling on the weekends, figuring myself out one day at a time and maintaining a devil-may-care attitude in the meantime.

People often ask me what went through my head when I first discovered my pregnancy. I was scared and excited in a way that I thought I might laugh, cry, sneeze, throw up and faint all at once. Looking back on it, I'd like to say that a million thoughts went through my head at that moment when the stick read positive, but there was really only one. I realized that anything I did or wanted to do would never be just for me, but rather me and my baby.

I surprised more than one person with my sense of calm during those early weeks of pregnancy. Celeste was on standby for me to have a complete mental breakdown almost every day for a month or two. Instead of "congratulations," people I told often stuttered and said, "I don't know what to say... Are you OK?"

In many ways, I wasn't OK. Despite the overwhelming amount of attention that pregnancy brings, there have been plenty of times when I've felt very much alone. But I am beyond excited to be having this baby. These words are neither a plea for pity nor an abridged version of my lamentations. When I started this blog, I had every intention of discussing pregnancy with honesty and sincerity with healthy doses of wit and sarcasm to fill in the cracks.

I'm not going to pretend that pregnancy at a young age isn't hard. I wish I wouldn't be living in a dorm room until my seventh month or that I could afford the crib bedding that I've fallen hopelessly in love with. But not one second of any day has gone by since November 14 that I've regretted this baby.

"They" also say that everything happens for a reason. I still have an amazing life. There are lessons I will learn from these experiences that many people will never know. I'm still going to graduate, and I'll be damned if I don't eventually adopt a kitten from the local animal shelter. But now, instead of responding to phone calls from an editor in the middle of the night, I'll jump out of bed at the sound of a hungry infant.

And that's just fine with me.